Dumb Joke

"You don't get down from an elephant - you get down from a duck!"

I never understood this one as a child. Still didn't get it when my Mom told it to my little sister the other-day-ago. (Love ya Dad!!) I was standing there thinking "you're still telling that dumb joke!??! It makes no SENSE!!"

Yeah... it's not the joke that's dumb.

...it's my MOM!

Clarky Python

Clark turned Hank into a Newt!! Thankfully, she got better.

I'm not entirely sure how this got started, but Clark digs his chin into something and proclaims "NEWT!" So everyone around gets appalled and exclaims "he turned me into a Newt!!" and then Clark says "betta," and we get better. There are a LOT of Newts around my house. All his stuffed animals are Newts and I get turned into a Newt so frequently that I'm wondering if there are any lasting side effects to such treatment. Poor Hannah! She is his favorite person to turn into a Newt. The only person who isn't susceptible is his father, who is Newt-proof. Clark is Newt-proof too, so they have Newt-offs and try to turn each other into Newts. -- Until Clark remembers that poor innocent little Hankie is not Newt-proof and is extremely susceptible and turns her into a Newt. I sure hope she gets "betta" before she's born. I don't know anything about mothering a Newt. Apparently nobody else does either since I couldn't find a single copy of "Newtwise" or "The Happiest Newt on the Block."

Save Your Breath

Here is a recent phone conversation with my mom. Is it any wonder I call her ALL the time!?

Mom: You're blowing up balloons!?!
Me: YEP!! I'm going to cover the kitchen floor with them!!
Mom: You can't blow up balloons -- you're pregnant!
Me: Of all the preggy-books I've read, not ONE says "don't blow up balloons."
Mom: That's because they don't have to. It's just common sense.
Me: Then why do they put "don't drink" and "don't do drugs?"
Mom: Probably because that's what they would do to celebrate.
Me: They just don't know how much fun balloons can be!
Mom: Well stop! You're stealing all of Hank's oxegyn!
Me: I'm not filling them with oxegyn. I'm using carbon dioxide.
Mom: Yes, but you're converting it too quickly and not giving Hannah a chance to use that oxegyn.
Me: What happens when you make me laugh so hard I can't breathe?
Mom: That's different. Stop blowing up balloons or I'm going over there.

At this point, I really thought about blowing up another balloon just because I like seeing her and would have loved for her to come over, but her voice had such a tone to it that I didn't know if she would come over and take me across her knee (good luck on that one, itty bitty!) or pop all my balloons. I didn't dare.

Make Believe Baby

Doh. I look suspicious. I'm not really pregnant. I just want to have a little girl so badly I stuff a watermelon up my shirt whenever I go somewhere so people will think I'm pregnant. I didn't think it was so obvious I was pretending until I saw pictures from Clark's friend's birthday party. This would have to be the most built up April fools stunt ever.

Which do you think I used this time?

Watermelon?

Basketball?

Birthday Balloon?

Geek

Formerly, the Grandparents were known as "Bapa" and "Nana" -- with my mom being more of a "Manna." Apparently that wasn't enough distinction for my mother. She would prefer Clark to call her "Geek." It serves her right. When we were young and they were renting, we rented a place from some people with the rather fitting last name of "Geek." She had to tell Ian about them right in front of Clark and she knows how well he picks up on new words. What was she thinking being the one to introduce that one? Did she really think she could teach him that word and not have him associate it with her? I've never seen a little kid so excited to go see a geek in all my life. Geek.

The Best Way to Have Ice Cream

Since my earliest ice cream eating days, this is how it has been done.
I can't take credit for coming up with this. It was taught to me by a very dear and tired-looking friend ;)

-Dish up a bowl of ice cream.
-Take a fork and break ice cream up into little chunks.
-Pour a couple tablespoons of cold water over the top.
-Allow to sit for a couple minutes.
-Gently mix around. You should now have a bowl of creamy goodness with crunchy little ice-bits.
-Enjoy! and if you're expecting a baby, dribble a little onto your bulgy belly from time to time.

Being with child, I'm supposed to drink about 3 quarts of water a day. I don't know how I would get through those last 2-3 tablespoons without this trick!

Come to think of it... I'm supposed to have a quart of milk every day too -- and isn't ice cream just glorified milk!?

Final thought. I think I'd like to try this a la mode!

Best Date Ever!

...And on Valentine's day at that! It was sweet, tender and memorable. I'm talking about the fruit! When I started getting that sleepy sinking feeling during Clark's nap, I made my favorite energizing pick-me-up -- cut up apples and dates with nuts and the yummiest thickest cream! Since we've switched all of our shopping over to the best store EVER, I've grown accustomed to the foods we buy there being the tastiest ever. Maybe hanging out with all the yummy personalities around the store comes out in the food's flavor. Somehow though, this date caught me by surprise and just made me thankful for all those happy little things that have happened to my tastebuds recently.
Anyway, if you loathe grocery shopping even half as much as I used to, if you want to feed your family organic without having to pull out a 2nd mortgage, or if you just wish your apple-a-day wasn't mushy, go visit Back to the Basics! They call it "the little store with the little price." I call it what happens when you keep all the yuckiness out and all the yumminess in!