"You don't get down from an elephant - you get down from a duck!"
I never understood this one as a child. Still didn't get it when my Mom told it to my little sister the other-day-ago. (Love ya Dad!!) I was standing there thinking "you're still telling that dumb joke!??! It makes no SENSE!!"
Yeah... it's not the joke that's dumb.
...it's my MOM!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Clarky Python
Clark turned Hank into a Newt!! Thankfully, she got better.
I'm not entirely sure how this got started, but Clark digs his chin into something and proclaims "NEWT!" So everyone around gets appalled and exclaims "he turned me into a Newt!!" and then Clark says "betta," and we get better. There are a LOT of Newts around my house. All his stuffed animals are Newts and I get turned into a Newt so frequently that I'm wondering if there are any lasting side effects to such treatment. Poor Hannah! She is his favorite person to turn into a Newt. The only person who isn't susceptible is his father, who is Newt-proof. Clark is Newt-proof too, so they have Newt-offs and try to turn each other into Newts. -- Until Clark remembers that poor innocent little Hankie is not Newt-proof and is extremely susceptible and turns her into a Newt. I sure hope she gets "betta" before she's born. I don't know anything about mothering a Newt. Apparently nobody else does either since I couldn't find a single copy of "Newtwise" or "The Happiest Newt on the Block."
I'm not entirely sure how this got started, but Clark digs his chin into something and proclaims "NEWT!" So everyone around gets appalled and exclaims "he turned me into a Newt!!" and then Clark says "betta," and we get better. There are a LOT of Newts around my house. All his stuffed animals are Newts and I get turned into a Newt so frequently that I'm wondering if there are any lasting side effects to such treatment. Poor Hannah! She is his favorite person to turn into a Newt. The only person who isn't susceptible is his father, who is Newt-proof. Clark is Newt-proof too, so they have Newt-offs and try to turn each other into Newts. -- Until Clark remembers that poor innocent little Hankie is not Newt-proof and is extremely susceptible and turns her into a Newt. I sure hope she gets "betta" before she's born. I don't know anything about mothering a Newt. Apparently nobody else does either since I couldn't find a single copy of "Newtwise" or "The Happiest Newt on the Block."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Save Your Breath
Here is a recent phone conversation with my mom. Is it any wonder I call her ALL the time!?
Mom: You're blowing up balloons!?!
Me: YEP!! I'm going to cover the kitchen floor with them!!
Mom: You can't blow up balloons -- you're pregnant!
Me: Of all the preggy-books I've read, not ONE says "don't blow up balloons."
Mom: That's because they don't have to. It's just common sense.
Me: Then why do they put "don't drink" and "don't do drugs?"
Mom: Probably because that's what they would do to celebrate.
Me: They just don't know how much fun balloons can be!
Mom: Well stop! You're stealing all of Hank's oxegyn!
Me: I'm not filling them with oxegyn. I'm using carbon dioxide.
Mom: Yes, but you're converting it too quickly and not giving Hannah a chance to use that oxegyn.
Me: What happens when you make me laugh so hard I can't breathe?
Mom: That's different. Stop blowing up balloons or I'm going over there.
At this point, I really thought about blowing up another balloon just because I like seeing her and would have loved for her to come over, but her voice had such a tone to it that I didn't know if she would come over and take me across her knee (good luck on that one, itty bitty!) or pop all my balloons. I didn't dare.
Mom: You're blowing up balloons!?!
Me: YEP!! I'm going to cover the kitchen floor with them!!
Mom: You can't blow up balloons -- you're pregnant!
Me: Of all the preggy-books I've read, not ONE says "don't blow up balloons."
Mom: That's because they don't have to. It's just common sense.
Me: Then why do they put "don't drink" and "don't do drugs?"
Mom: Probably because that's what they would do to celebrate.
Me: They just don't know how much fun balloons can be!
Mom: Well stop! You're stealing all of Hank's oxegyn!
Me: I'm not filling them with oxegyn. I'm using carbon dioxide.
Mom: Yes, but you're converting it too quickly and not giving Hannah a chance to use that oxegyn.
Me: What happens when you make me laugh so hard I can't breathe?
Mom: That's different. Stop blowing up balloons or I'm going over there.
At this point, I really thought about blowing up another balloon just because I like seeing her and would have loved for her to come over, but her voice had such a tone to it that I didn't know if she would come over and take me across her knee (good luck on that one, itty bitty!) or pop all my balloons. I didn't dare.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Make Believe Baby
Doh. I look suspicious. I'm not really pregnant. I just want to have a little girl so badly I stuff a watermelon up my shirt whenever I go somewhere so people will think I'm pregnant. I didn't think it was so obvious I was pretending until I saw pictures from Clark's friend's birthday party. This would have to be the most built up April fools stunt ever.
Which do you think I used this time?
Watermelon?
Which do you think I used this time?
Watermelon?
Basketball?
Birthday Balloon?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)